September 3, 2012
“You can’t make me do this, bitch!” The red-headed boy yelled at the teacher right before he proceeded to scream as loudly as he could, knowing well that screaming was the one most annoying thing for his teachers. If he added turning his desk over and banging wildly on the board, everything was perfect. He could get out of doing anything in school today, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.
The teacher looked down at the shining surface of her desk, Oh Lord, it’s gonna be one of those days.
As the red-head youngster screamed and hollered, the teacher held her head in her hands, still looking down, and almost began to cry. She knew the day wouldn’t get any better, she knew she had made the mistake of letting the boys know they could get to her. She knew she would never be able to control them again, if she ever had.
She began thinking about the only glimmer of hope left in her life: to be a mother again. Her own children, a boy and a girl, already teenagers, didn’t seem to need her anymore. Or so they told her every time she had lately tried to talk to them about anything. She was completely shut out of their lives, and she didn’t know how to tell them how much that hurt. To add more to this misery, her husband seemed to be more interested in the deer hunting season that had just opened up again. He left home for days on end, spending them in the woods with his drunken buddies, completely uninterested in his home life. He knew Anna, his wife, would always be there. He knew she had never had a will of her own, and that she would never dare even say anything about his neglect. He finally had all the time he wanted to himself. His kids were grown, basically adults, they could take care of themselves. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined what would happen to his family.
September 10, 2012
On a chilly Monday morning, bright and early, Anna walked with quicker steps than she ever thought she could manage toward the grey, stern-looking building of the CPS office. A case manager and a supervisor in the adoption unit were waiting for her in a small room, well-lit, with nothing but a round table and a couple of chairs as furniture. As she walked in the room, Anna was greeted by the two women she had never met in person before. Their phone conversations had been ongoing for the past two months, ever since Anna had decided she wanted to adopt a child, a child who had not had a mother in more than ten years, a child who would surely be grateful for a chance at a normal family.
“Welcome, it’s nice to finally meet you. My name is Trina Martinez, I’m the supervisor for this case, and this is Joyce Middleton, Tommy’s adoption worker,” she motioned toward the other woman who was walking toward Anna with her hand reaching out. “Please, have a seat, and let’s get started, Mrs. Foster.”
Anna felt intimidated. The two women, both tall and slender, dressed well in business suits and with hair and makeup all perfect, appeared very formal and rigid. She didn’t know how she was supposed to act, she didn’t know if she could just start talking to them about how much she already loved Tommy, she had never been in that situation before. She was embarrassed, as usual, by her overweight figure barely contained by the clothes she thought would be appropriate for this meeting. She worried that she wouldn’t be able to express everything she felt inside for Tommy. She was afraid she would be denied and told that her poor job as a mother and housewife up to that point in her life would stand in the way of her dreams.
She waited submissively for the other party to set the tone. She decided she wouldn’t say anything that might ruin her chances at motherhood again. These people didn’t need to know about the troubles she was having at home, about her own children dismissing her as useless, and about her husband who admired deer more than he had ever admired his wife and had thus refused to accompany her in what he laughingly called “her delusion.”
Ms. Middleton began talking about Tommy and about his childhood. Anna heard again about how the 14-year-old boy was born in a different state and abandoned in front of a church when he was 3 years old, about how he had been through fourteen foster homes without finding a permanent one, and about how he had been in a mental health institution several times because he heard voices telling him to hurt people. While Ms. Middleton went on with details about Tommy’s life and about the horrific things he had done before, Anna thought she didn’t need to know all that. All she needed to know was that Tommy wanted to be her son, and that he wanted to be loved as much as she wanted to love him. Deep in her heart, she knew there was nothing that love couldn’t compensate for and overcome. She knew all she needed was a little patience, the strong belief that everything would work out alright, and that she would be happy being a mother again.
After the meeting was over, and the parties had agreed that one last visit at Anna’s home was in order before Tommy could move there, Anna thought about skipping work and celebrating the success of the morning. She was experiencing such happiness that she couldn’t even begin to describe it to herself. Surely her colleagues would understand. Surely they would forgive her for taking some time to be alone with this overwhelming feeling that she had finally done something right. But they wouldn’t be able to handle the boys by themselves. She had not considered this the day before, when she still would have had time to call for a substitute. She had to go to work, she couldn’t mess everything up now by just not showing up. She drove slowly, trying to think hard about how she would word the announcement that it was almost over and final: Tommy would become her son within the month. By the time she arrived at work, she still had not found words better than “Tommy is gonna move in by the end of the month.”
The residential treatment facility grounds appeared quiet as she drove up the dirt road to where she parked her truck every day. She could see the horses walking around down by the pond, where ducks and geese had finally found a home away from the boys who loved to pull their feathers out for fun. The one peacock recently acquired was displaying his tail and doing the mating dance with a hen, for lack of a female of his own species.
Anna took a moment to breathe in the quiet and the morning aroma of the flowers before heading for the yellow school building where her future son, along with the other residents, was studying. She wasn’t looking forward to another day of being yelled at by children who were unable to handle the most insignificant of frustrations, she was afraid that one of these days she would snap and slap one of them, she was afraid that she was no good at her job. As she walked into the building, she tried hard to remember what she was supposed to teach them this time. Was it about the atom? She couldn’t remember well, and she hoped her materials would be where she had left them the day before, in the drawer of her classroom desk.
As she walked into the first classroom, the boys looked up at her and suddenly it seemed that each one had the most important thing to share with her. They started talking all at the same time, some voices higher than others. She motioned to them to be quiet, even though she knew it wouldn’t work. It didn’t. By the time she reached the door of her own room, the boys surrounded her followed by the voice of the principal, who was trying in vain to get them settled down again. Anna entered her classroom, shutting the door behind her as quickly as she could. She needed to get ready to teach, so she headed straight for the desk where her materials were. She took out her textbooks and notes, and then, when everything was arranged in almost perfect order on her desk, she called for the 6th grade group.
The boys entered the classroom as they always did, yelling and pushing each other so they could grab the best seat. They didn’t pay any attention when Anna instructed them to sit down and keep quiet. They didn’t pay any attention when she called individual names, asking them to settle down and open their books. They didn’t pay any attention when she started raising her voice, yet again, knowing that it would only make things worse. She never had understood why raising her voice never seemed to have any effect on these boys. If anything, that always made things worse and brought out the side of them that she always feared, the cold looks, the smirks, and the “You can’t make me do this, bitch” attitude they so loved to display.
Eventually, she sat down at her desk and waited. She was tired of trying things that never worked, and she was tired of finding rational explanations for their behaviors. She didn’t know many details about their lives as abandoned and abused children, but she knew they had all been through things that no child should ever experience, and that their past had always been an excellent excuse for the way they acted. She wondered if her own children showed the same disrespect for their teachers. She wondered if she had failed as a mother more than she could even begin to understand, but she consoled herself with the thought that soon she would get another chance.
When she got home that day, her happiness hadn’t worn off. She was so excited and couldn’t wait to share everything with her husband. She continued to believe that he was just having a hard time adjusting to the idea of having yet another rebellious, eternally demanding teenager in his home, and she refused to believe that there was any truth to all the harsh words he had had for her since she had started the adoption process.
Her husband was on his way out as she entered the house. He told her not to wait up, that he would be at his friend Billy’s house if anything happened, and that there was a message on the house phone for her. He then slammed the door behind him, and she could hear the exhaust on his truck as he drove away. Under any other circumstances, she would have been upset by the way he ignored her; of course, not upset enough to say something, but enough to make a mental note that he shouldn’t treat her like that. She didn’t bother making any mental notes this time, and decided that she wouldn’t let anything ruin her day. She walked over to the small coffee table in the corner of the living room, and listened to the message: “This is Dr. Conners, Tommy’s psychiatrist. I would very much like to meet with you before Tommy’s adoption is final. If you would, please call my office and set up an appointment with my secretary. Thank you!”
She didn’t understand what that was about, as far as she knew all the formalities had been handled, including various visits with this psychiatrist, but she told herself she would call first thing in the morning and have the meeting set up as soon as possible. Her heart started beating a little bit faster when she realized there really was no reason for this meeting. She hoped nothing had come up; she hoped no one would tell her she couldn’t be Tommy’s mom. She went to the bedroom, closed the door behind her, and then looked at the big golden clock mounted on her dresser. She had about half an hour before the kids would come back from school. She took out her Bible from the nightstand drawer, went down to her knees by her bed, and began praying for guidance and strength to face anyone who would stand in her way. God would surely help her through all this, it was God who had given her the idea in the first place. She had to trust Him and have faith.
The visit with the psychiatrist never took place.
October 1, 2012
Seated around the dinner table, the members of Anna’s family were eating in silence, barely looking at each other and completely ignoring the dark-haired boy who would not stop smiling at them. Mr. Foster, a tall and slender man of 42, with tattoos baring witness of a short stay in state prison in his youth, was chewing the beef and potatoes with the same thought he always had when his wife cooked anything, This is disgusting, I gotta get me something before I see the guys tonight. He pretended to eat for a few minutes more, then he stood up while pushing the plate away, walked over to the couch where he had lazily thrown his jacket earlier in the day, and grabbed it on the way to the door. “Don’t wait up for me,” he said while slamming the door behind him.
Anna smiled at Tommy as if there was nothing out of the ordinary going on. She refused to let anything upset her, now that she finally had her new child at home. She had been looking forward to the first family dinner after Tommy’s arrival, and she had expected more positive reactions from everyone, but she was determined not to let anything bring her down.
“So, how was school today?” she asked Brine and Jersey, her 14-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son.
They both looked at her and didn’t say anything. Inevitably, their eyes moved over to Tommy but their mouths remained closed. As if given a signal, they got up from the table without asking for permission, almost threw their dishes in the sink without bothering to dispose of the left-over food, and together went to Jersey’s room. They had been having long conversations before Tommy had arrived, they had been debating whether they should become closer and unite against this common enemy, and they had decided that it was time to really behave like siblings and take care of each other more than they had in the past. “If that piece of shit does anything to you, I’ll kill him,” Jersey had told Brine when she had mentioned that the way Tommy looked at her made her extremely uncomfortable. They closed the door to Jersey’s room after hanging a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, and they sat down to talk some more about their plans to protect themselves and each other from this intruder they now had to call ‘brother.’
Back in the dining room, Anna smiled at Tommy again. “It’s alright, honey, they just need a little bit of time, and to get to know you a little bit,” she smiled while caressing his hair. “They just need to see how wonderful you are, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to have another brother, don’t you worry about it, honey.”
Oh, I’m not the one who should be worried, Tommy thought but “Ok, mom” was all he said. He didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of having a new brother and sister either, but he had been confronted with that before and he had always found a solution to it. Before long, he would be only the child in the house, and then he would really be able to enjoy all the benefits of having a new mother who couldn’t refuse him anything.
October 4, 2012
Whenever Brine drank too much coke with dinner, she invariably woke up in the middle of the night with this urgent sensation that her bladder would explode. She opened her eyes in the dark, and waited until her pupils adjusted so she could see her surroundings. Her brother snored on the improvised bed next to hers. She wondered how come she had never noticed how cute he was, and the thought made her smile, as she suddenly realized why all the girls at school were crazy about him. He’s half way decent as a brother, too, she mused, although she knew better by now. She knew she would have been scared to still live in that house, had it not been for Jersey.
She eventually decided her bladder couldn’t wait anymore, and got out of bed. She approached the door of the bedroom and, as she looked up at it while trying to grab the knob, a chilling sensation ran down her spine. The door was cracked. She could clearly see the ribbon of nightlight that was always on, and then she could see something else, as if something was half way blocking it. As her eyes moved all the way up the narrow opening, they met with others, on the other side in the hallway. She froze, and the lack of her breath made room for another, the breath of the person standing behind the door, looking through with impenetrable eyes, immobile, quiet, and definitely creepy. She couldn’t move. Although she could only see half the face, she knew Tommy was standing there looking at her in silence. The thought that maybe he had been standing there for hours made her shudder. The thought that he had cracked the door himself, while she and Jersey were asleep, made her knees feel weak. The thought that she really needed to pee but didn’t dare move made her heart beat faster. She realized she was scared. She went back to bed, hid under the covers for a few minutes and hoped that what she had seen was just a figment of her imagination, and then she peeked over the blanket to assure herself. Through the cracked door of the bedroom, two cold eyes were looking in, devoid of understanding and emotion.
That morning, before going to breakfast, she told Jersey about it. She had debated whether to say anything at all, and had it not been for the thumb tacks spread all over their floor, had it not been for some of them piercing Jersey’s feet as he stood up, maybe she would have waited. Her brother’s first instinct was to go start a fight, and it took quite a few minutes for Brine to convince him otherwise.
“It’s not gonna solve anything, Jersey, mom’s just gonna believe him and then you’re gonna be in trouble. We have to find another way to tell her, without making it seem that we’re just trying to get rid of him,” her words were wise, but Jersey was still on fire and wouldn’t hear of it.
“Brine! That creep can’t stand there in the hallway in the middle of the night and stare at us. And what’s with all this shit on the floor?? This means he came in here last night while we were both out. What’s next?? We have to tell mom!” and then, as if the greatest idea had come to him, he whispered, “I’ll just beat him up at school.”
“No! Jersey, that would be worse! If there’s no one to see it, he’ll spin it around and make it look like he’s not done anything. Mom won’t believe you, trust me!”
They decided not to say anything, and just wait a while, until they could get some kind of concrete evidence. The thumb tacks weren’t enough. Even though they were only teenagers, who should have been oblivious to anything that didn’t involve their phones, they could plainly see their mother’s attachment to the intruder. They watched her cooking his meals and doing his laundry, buying him things he didn’t deserve, taking him out to movies, and generally getting closer to him than she had ever been to her own children. In the meantime, the two of them only had each other. Their dad couldn’t care less. He was busy hunting.
October 8, 2012
Brine and Jersey were seated quietly on the couch, waiting for their mother to come home after picking up Tommy from school. He had joined a gang, and had gotten into a fight with one of the crew members. He had broken two of his enemy’s ribs, and was thus prohibited from riding the bus again. The gang had applauded him, and praised him for performing so well for his initiation.
The siblings had decided it would be the perfect moment for them to voice their concerns about their new brother, now that he had done something so wrong. They had prepared a speech, they had rehearsed it, and now they waited. As they heard the front door, they looked at each quizzically. They watched Anna and Tommy walking into the dining room, and while Tommy sat down at the dining table, Brine and Jersey whispered to each other about who would speak first. Brine decided to take the lead:
“Mom, Jersey and I need to talk to you about something.”
“Not now, Brine, this is not a good time. Tommy is hurt, I need to take care of the scratches on his face. We can talk later,” Anna stated emotionless and tired, while looking for Neosporin in a first aid box she kept under the counter in the kitchen.
“Mom! We don’t want Tommy here, he’s creeping us out! The other night he was staring at us through the door, in the middle of the night! I was afraid to go to the bathroom! He spread thumb tacks all over our floor and Jersey stepped on them! And now he’s in a gang? You would kill Jersey if he ever joined a gang, but it’s ok for Tommy?” Brine’s words came out in one uninterrupted and breathless stream, as she could feel her pulse quickening with anger. She couldn’t believe that her mother would so disregard her own children’s safety for the sake of a stranger.
Anna stopped looking for the medicine. She looked up at Brine, and then she looked at Tommy, who had raised his eyebrows in wonder, and was pleading with his eyes moist.
“Jersey, is this true?” She looked for confirmation from her other child.
“Well, I didn’t actually see him cause I was asleep, but Brine says so and I believe her. But yeah, I did step on those thumb tacks, I can show you if you want.”
No one could have guessed Anna’s reaction. The siblings certainly didn’t expect it. They were shocked to hear her yell so loudly, and knew they had lost her forever.
“How many times have I told you to stop making stuff up?? Why do you have to keep lying to me like this?? No, I don’t want to see anything. Tommy hasn’t done anything, and the first time any of you says anything more about him, you’ll be the ones out of this house! I’ve had enough, do you understand? I’ve had enough of you ungrateful children, I’ve had enough of no one giving a shit about me and what I want, I’ve had enough of being walked all over by two spoiled brats and a husband who prefers deer to his own wife. Enough!!”
She slammed her fist into the kitchen counter, and did not feel a thing. The outburst took every ounce of energy she had. She had waited so long to say these words, and she couldn’t believe she had actually dared raise her voice and make herself heard this way. Tommy hadn’t been anything but sweet and compliant, taking her hand as if he always needed protection, helping her with groceries, praying with her, and calling her “mom”. She didn’t believe for a second that he had joined a gang, either. That wasn’t the Tommy she knew. All she ever wanted was for a child to appreciate her, and she would not let go of that because two teenagers couldn’t handle their own jealousy. They needed to learn that they were not the center of anyone’s universe. This was their lesson, and she hoped they took it.
The siblings didn’t say anything anymore. Their mother’s words were enough for them to understand they were on their own. They glanced at Tommy, and could swear there was that insufferable smirk on his face again. They knew he would always win, and that it was too late for them. The worst part of all was that they had no idea how to deal with it anymore. What could they do if their mother wasn’t listening? Who could they tell? What would have to happen for Anna to see the truth? They were left wondering, but no answers came.
October 9, 2012
Anna had to go out of town that Tuesday, for a teachers’ workshop she couldn’t avoid. Although she was reluctant to leave the three teenagers alone with her husband, she hoped that one day wasn’t time enough for anything bad to happen. After she made arrangements for Tommy to be picked up from school by one of her friends, because her husband continued to refuse to help, she wished them all a good day, and out the door she went.
As soon as she was gone, Brine and Jersey picked up their backpacks and decided to walk to school, just so they wouldn’t be in the same room with Tommy for more than it was necessary. The day passed by fast, the classes were as boring as ever, and the two met during lunch to talk about what they would do after school, while their mother was still out. They knew Tommy would be at home with their father, although that wasn’t enough, by any means, to make them feel safe. They decided they would spend the rest of the day at the Riverside Park, watching the ducks on their favorite pond, and trying to catch frogs. They would have decided on something different, had they had any money. But this was the only option for them at this point.
They got to the park about four in the after-noon, and were disappointed to see there were no other people around. They wondered where all the dog lovers were, and they did spend some time trying to find others who loved nature. The sky was getting dark, and they felt smothered by the humidity in the air. The trees almost didn’t move, and everything was still, as it usually is right before a storm. They looked for a shelter, in case a storm did come. An abandoned gazebo was just as good as any other. They had barely reached it when the rain started coming down heavy and furious. The curtain of water prevented them from seeing much around them, so they sat down on the wooden floor and started playing with their phones.
As the hums and thuds of rain coming down concealed any other sounds, they never heard the group approaching the gazebo. They only realized someone else was there when they noticed movement in the corner of their eyes. By the time they made out faces, it was too late.
Two tall and dark young men grabbed Jersey and knocked him over on the ground, in the rain and mud. Two others took hold of Brine and pinned her down on the gazebo floor, while covering her mouth. While Jersey was screaming at them to let her go, Brine’s heart sunk into her stomach as she discovered who the ring leader was.
Tommy was smiling at her, with cold eyes. As his gang buddies held Brine down, he leaned over her and started caressing her throat with a pocket knife he always carried.
“You are just too pretty to waste,” he whispered as he began shredding her tank top. “You’ll get hurt if you don’t stop moving,” he added as the pocket knife cut through the fabric as if it was butter. “I wouldn’t want any harm to come to you,” he laughed so hard it could be heard over the rain.
“You asshole! What the hell do you want?” Brine was visibly scared, but still screamed, while Jersey was cussing at them from afar.
“I want you to stop being a little bitch and try to convince mom that I’m a bad boy,” he said quietly, almost through his teeth. “You have no idea what this bad boy can do, sweet sister,” his smirks were more than she could handle and she started writhing under the two’s hold, trying to kick them away.
Her efforts died when two others showed up out of nowhere and pinned her down harder, each holding one limb. She couldn’t move at all anymore, all she could do was scream and cry, as Tommy removed the last piece of fabric, her pink underwear. The fear paralyzed her exposed body, and she turned her head to where she could still hear Jersey’s angry voice. He couldn’t do anything about it either. He was overpowered, although he did continue to yell and beg for his sister.
“Just don’t hurt him for now!” Tommy commanded the two who were holding Jersey. “He has to watch, that’s how it works,” he added while he started running his fingers over Brine’s goose bumped skin. He loved the shivers of her body, he thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of having complete control over her. He had wanted to shut her up from the first day he’d met her, and now he finally could.
As Brine begged with her eyes and mouth, he took out a bottle of beer from one of his pockets, and licked its neck. She watched in horror as he brought the bottle down, slowly and deliberately, all the way between her legs. After he teased the pubic area for a while, as Brine started yelling even louder, he finally shoved the bottle inside her, with the precision and strength of an act he had performed many a time before. His companions started laughing and encouraging him, and chanting as he rhythmically slid the bottle in and out of her, with no concern for the blood that started staining the wooden floor.
Outside the gazebo, Jersey could do nothing but watch. He watched as they all took turns with Brine, he watched as she stopped fighting them and became quiet, he watched her eyes dry out, and her body giving up. He just watched the life draining out of her, and he watched as the bottle still went in and out even after her last breath was gone. He closed his eyes, and didn’t see the blow coming. The last thing on his mind, before he died, was his sister’s lifeless eyes.
October 10, 2012
As Anna was frantically calling her children’s friends, she suddenly stopped as the news came on. She had called the police station the night before, she had called hospitals and the morgue, she had had her husband go out in his pickup to try and find Jersey and Brine. She couldn’t believe they had just run away, it wasn’t like them. She cried thinking that she had yelled at them before, and she continued making phone calls until the anchorman interrupted the weather cast for a breaking news report.
“The bodies of two unidentified teenagers were found this morning in Riverside Park. Initial reports indicate they may have been attacked in the park yesterday. However, due to the heavy rain we have been experiencing over the past few days, police state there is no evidence available at this time. We ask that you call the free toll number at the bottom of the screen, should you have any information about two recently missing teenagers.”
Anna felt her knees give up, and she had to lean against the dining table so she wouldn’t fall to the ground. She gasped for air in disbelief. As she started panicking and crying, Tommy came over to her.
“It’s ok, mom, I’m sure it’s not them. I’m here for you now. I’ll always be here.”
Anna looked at his sweet, innocent face and grabbed his hand for support. If it really was them, she at least had one child left. She prayed and was grateful for Tommy. He would always be there for her. He was all she had left.