Review: “Without Myself”

I  discovered Without MyselfinNoticing Newbies Newsletter (May 28, 2014)“. The first paragraph hooked me with the narrator’s eyes opening for the first time. The descriptions are part of the action and move the plot forward at a good pace. The narrator’s voice keeps the reader focused on the story, while giving enough background information to answer the reader’s questions.

What I liked: There are several thing that I like about this story. First, I like the logical flow of the narration because it reveals keeps the action moving while focusing on the thoughts of the narrator. Second, is the confusion and amnesia that the narrator experiences at the beginning of the story because it emphasizes a traumatic event without going into much detail and foreshadows the narrator’s final realization of what happened. Third, I like the characters because, while they are somewhat unsympathetic, they are intriguing.

Technical Issues or Typos: A typo in this phrase, and smiles, I suggest changing smiles to smiled because it is a better fit in the sentence.

Suggestions: The only suggestion I have is found under Technical issues and typos. 

I enjoyed reading this thought provoking short story. Write on.

Review for the House of Lannister
The Screenwriting Group” 

Review: “A Case of Erotomania”

I  found this short story on Read a Newbie.

I like the opening paragraph, you make it clear without really saying so that Christian is dominated by his mother, probably a little afraid of her.

You also paint us a picture early on of the two friends that leads us to believe they come from a rich background.

I like the story, it held my attention to the end. I felt sorry for the girl who thought because Christian smiled at her in the elevator that he was in love with her. She was obsessed with him and obviously stalking him. Yet he was not aware of any of this. Christian meant everything to this poor girl and he and his rich family didn’t bat an eye when he died.

Things like this unfortunately do happen in real life and I think it is good you have written this story and put it out there.

Very well written.

From riverbedwriter on www.writing.com 

Review: “About Cruelty”

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive (on www.writing.com).

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: About Cruelty

First Impression: My heart went out to the author immediately. What a horrific experience.

What I liked: Princess standing up to her father, and how she coped with the experience. It is not easy to step into a situation knowing what is at risk. That was very brave of the author.

What needs your attention: Nothing, that I noticed.

Favorite Parts: The night her mother finally called the police and stood up for herself and her daughter. I couldn’t help wondering why she had not before that. Maybe a bit more explanation why the mother did not help keep her daughter safe. That is unusual! Did the author ever talk with the mother about it, because those conversations would add a lot to the story.

Overall Impression: The story about domestic violence unfolded as I anticipated I know from personal experience what it is like to be a child in a house with volatile parents and then I married a man who felt it was his right to hit me. It took a while for me to break that cycle but I did it for my children. I am sorry that the author lost her first love. .

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!

From Lyn on www.writing.com 

Review: “My Dad”

What a heart-wrenching story. I was overwhelmed with feelings of sorrow for you. I had my dad, but he molested me all of my young life. I don’t know which would have been worse. To go through not having him like you did or go through what I did. I forgave him in the end like you have done with your father. It is good to see that you can see the good in him when he deserted you. He is only human, right? He struggled with life and made mistakes, but you did an amazing thing in realizing you still loved your dad and that he still mattered to you. I find that you are a very good person because of your trials and in spite of your trials. I went through some pretty hard times as well and it made me a better person. I admire you and thank you for sharing that story with us.

 From named Billiegail on www.writing.com