Trains were awfully noisy at night, especially when the ride was nine hours long and there were no other passengers around to mask the rickety progression with their voices. It was her first time alone on a trip, and she was still amazed she had convinced her mother to let her go. The pretext of visiting an old family friend, someone who was mature and responsible, who would not let her do anything ‘stupid’, was good enough for the overprotective parent. Secretly, she savored the thoughts of meeting him for the first time. Although she could not control the butterflies in her belly, the questions in her head, and the doubts, oh, the doubts, all forty three muscles of her face had conspired to not give any of that away to the outside world. This is gonna be the longest ride ever, why can’t I just sleep? While the train passed through desolate fields and eerie woodlands, on the way to the city where he waited, she tried to create an imaginary face for the person she already knew.
Her old friend was waiting at the station, and took her to a small apartment where coffee and breakfast had already been prepared. She couldn’t touch any of it as she was barely able to contain the excitement of being away from home for a little while, even if she was lying about the real reasons for being there. After she was given directions to get downtown, she was left alone to figure everything out. She took a shower to freshen up, chose a pair of light blue jeans and her favorite tank top, and put her long hair up, as summer days were hot and humid.
She started her search at the top of the wide avenue, with tall buildings and espresso bars lining the sidewalks. He had given her one hint, ‘internet café’, and the name of the boulevard. When she had asked how she would recognize him, he had only said You’ll know me, just like I’ll know you. She passed one café, and could see everyone inside through tall, glass windows. He wasn’t there. She kept walking and reached a second one, up a circular stairway hanging on the side of another building. She started to walk up, and then remembered he hadn’t mentioned anything about any stairs, so she kept walking. He wasn’t at the third one, or fourth, or fifth.
As dusk set in, she grew weary and started to wonder if it had all been just a cruel joke. It wouldn’t have been the first time she was fooled by words, as she believed people were basically good and would have no reasons to not tell the truth. She had hoped that her beliefs were more accurate this time. Besides, her guts told her that this man was honest, genuine, and truly interested in her as a person, without even knowing what she looked like. Their chat-room conversations, and the topics he was interested in, the way he used language, the jokes he made, all of it had touched her in a way she had yearned for her entire life. She had been attracted to the way he flirted with her, even before they knew each other’s gender.
They had been talking online for almost five months when she had mentioned she had an old friend in the same town where he lived and that she could visit. They both laughed when they realized they really didn’t know if the other was male or female; they had agreed from the beginning to not exchange pictures, as each was initially looking for a friend more than anything else. They both laughed even harder when they realized it didn’t matter. They were attracted to each other as human beings, and that’s all there was to it. Their gender didn’t make a difference. She had never met anyone similar to him, and that was more enthralling to her than anything else.
She sat down on a bench on the sidewalk, in the shade, to rest for a minute and decide what to do. She could keep going, the vast avenue was nowhere near its end, and there must have been more places she could check. At the same time, her doubts surfaced and she felt moisture in her tear ducts. She was determined not to cry right there, on the street. She would keep it all in, as she had done many times before when she was disappointed in people, and she would weep with her face buried in her pillow, late at night. She finally decided to try one more place, before completely giving up.
She found the next internet café a few blocks down. There was yet another espresso bar on the sidewalk, where people took coffees and lemonades while reading the paper, or chatting up old friends. The tables were all occupied and she had to walk around some of them to reach the door leading inside. She walked into a small hallway that lead upstairs. As she was walking up, she saw the tinted windows of the place and realized she would really have to walk in to see who was there. She paused for a second and caught her breath. Her heart was beating just a little bit faster for a reason she couldn’t figure out. She felt an energy pushing her from behind, as if she wasn’t in control of her own motor coordination anymore. She took a deep breath, ran her fingers through her pony tail, by now almost disheveled from the wind and humidity outside, and then she opened the door.
It took a second or two for her pupils to adjust to the dim, smoke-filled atmosphere inside. When she started perceiving human shapes again, it was apparent most patrons had stopped what they were doing to turn around and look at her. She obviously didn’t belong there. Video-gamers, still awake after an all-nighter online, sucking on cigarettes and drinking cokes, paused their games and snickered at each other. She felt like she had walked into a nightmare populated with pale faces, goth hair-dos, and wanna-be vampires.
She felt her cheeks burning as she looked around and tried to make out faces, and then her eyes stopped on him. He was skinnier than she had imagined, about her same height, with dark hair, exquisite green eyes, and enticing lips. The connection was undeniable when their eyes met. He did not hesitate. He walked over to her and hugged her with a huge smile on his face. You made it, he whispered in her ear as people around watched. How did he know? Her heart wasn’t listening to her anymore, and was beating insanely fast, irregular, as if she was hyperventilating. Her whole body was shaking and her knees seemed unable to support her weight anymore. She couldn’t find words, so she just held him close, as if she wanted to crawl under his skin and become one with him. She felt safe and loved, and she had no idea where it was coming from. How many times had she dreamed about this moment, and now she couldn’t even bring herself to look him in the eyes. She thought that would cause him to see her real self, and hate it. She didn’t want to let go when he loosened his embrace, just enough for their eyes to meet again. They both smiled and they knew, they knew this was meant to be. It was as if they could communicate without speech, as if a magic thread had connected them since birth and had just now been reeled in, bringing them together.
They spent that night together on the floor of the internet café, after he had chased all the customers away. They drank vodka, and watched movies. They made out and she played with his tongue ring until she finally bit him and could taste his blood. They listened to his favorite band, and she cried at lyrics that made her wonder how she had lived without knowing about this band until then. When the sun came up, they went out to walk around the quiet, still sleeping city. They passed an art gallery, and he showed her stained-glass pieces he loved. They had coffee at one of his friends’ place, and then they walked again, hand in hand, whispering silly things to each other, while the serious ones were still kept inside. She prayed that the day would never end, and she dreaded the thought that she would have to leave him soon.
They parted with the promise that he would come see her off at the station. After she found her seat and placed her bag in the overhead compartment, they spent a few minutes on the platform before the train started moving. When the train’s departure was announced, he climbed the few steps of the wagon with her, and before they parted forever, he gave her his ring. He promised himself to her with his eyes and with his words, and she would keep the ring to remind her of that every day of her life. She cried when she realized that her heart was breaking. She cried knowing that she would probably never see him again. She cried even more when she finally understood that, with absolutely no control over it, she had to let the love of her life go.